I didn’t do a post yesterday.  That is very unlike me.  Mainly the reason was that I was out of time.  The other reason was that I feel a little mentally exhausted.  That might not be the right description, but it is something like that.

Since I hurt my head, things have been a lot screwy.  Very unfamiliar.  It is really hard to explain, but I think there are layers of issues and when you think you’ve conquered one, another one is just there.  It is like there are layers and you don’t get to see what is underneath except when you peel one back.

First, it was crazy headaches.  That was pretty awful.  That probably only last 5 weeks or so.  I think the lack of sleep was exacerbating that issue.  Or maybe that was the reason for lack of sleep.  It really doesn’t matter because it just was.  I sleep way better now and am trying to make  a point of doing it more and more.

Then the real spinning problems.   I guess it is called vertigo.  That makes for the day after you sleep really good pretty bad.  Once you spin a couple times, then you get sick at your stomach and then that lasts the rest of the day, so that day is gone.  I don’t get them so bad now.  I still spin, but not like before.  I think I just get dizzy now and my eyes don’t go into this weird fluttering, called nystagmus.  Nystagmus leaves you feeling like you were seasick or drank way too much and were about to get sick.  It isn’t good and it doesn’t really happen anymore.  But the dizziness still is around, but just not as severe.

Anyway, recently, I’ve noticed that I get mentally tired after conversing for longer than an hour.  I talked to my doctor and she said it was neurofatigue.   I think she is right.  It isn’t that bad, but it is debilitating.  I didn’t notice it for such a long time.  I think that is because the other stuff was way worse.

I don’t have it as badly as some people that hit their heads.  And I know how to fix it, sort of.  Sleep doesn’t help.  I need to do something else, like walk, or rake leaves or anything that is a “no-brainer”.    This allows me to get back to thinking at a better speed.

My doctor says sometimes this doesn’t get fixed.  That it is around the rest of people’s lives.  I hope that isn’t the case.  I’m just a little over 2 months out and am optimistic about a full recovery.  She also said that she doesn’t think that I’m going to be one of those people, which is good.

Anyway, taking all this into account, I decided to not go up to Cable, as I normally do between Christmas and New Years.  I can’t really ski.  Or snow shoe.  I could probably do both, but I’m trying to be patient, thus slow in this recovery.   Plus, I’m having a hard time staying warm.  I guess your temperature gauge can go a little wonky when you hit your head.  I hope that means I have better heat tolerance this summer.  Then, the neurofatigue thing, which would be pretty bad there at this time of the year.

I’m gonna miss seeing everyone.   Tomorrow is the double birkie ski that I have been doing for over 20 years.   Plus, New Year’s out on the Cedar Ridge.  There is always next year.  I might head up there soon when it has gotten a tad more quiet.  This week is the “most crowded”.

My friend Vincent needed a dog sitter for a week, so I flew out to Denver yesterday and am taking care of Nick and Jack.  I love them both, so it is super easy.   Last night I slept nearly 9 hours.  They needed to go out at 6:30, but just to pee.  They both came back in and slept with me until 8.  If I can get in a few more days like this, maybe I’ll peel back another layer and see what it holds.

I went for a bike ride on Christmas Day. I wasn’t planning on it because I thought the roads were going to be too slick. No so.

Heading out.

This is on Sheridan Drive, North of Evanston.

It was windy and Lake Michigan was uninviting.

Jack, Nick and Tucker this summer.

Nick and Jack at the dog park yesterday evening.

With Trudi’s nieces and newphews Christmas Day. Parker, Alec, Hannah, and Madeline. Park is with Trudi, heading to Cable today.

I’m not sure the title of this post is accurate.  It has definitely been a strange year, especially the last couple months, but nothing that is really that far out of sync with what I’ve done my whole life.  I am pretty surprised to still even be alive.  I don’t mean from fracturing my skull, but just from the way I live.  If you would have asked me 20 years ago if I was going to live another 20 years, I would have said probably not.

I’d say the same thing now.  I hope I am wrong, like I was 20 years ago, but in worldly terms, it doesn’t really matter.

Not much good, at least so far, has come from whacking my head a couple months ago.  One thing is I know how many true friends I have.   That isn’t even counting the people I don’t know, but would like to.   I know a bunch of people that really care for me, which is super important.  I think I might have missed this without the injury. I know it now and appreciate it more.

A couple years ago I wrote a list of New Year’s resolutions.  I guess it is just of list of things that I thought I should do to be more like who I’d like to be.  The things on the list still need attention. At least from me.  So I guess I’ll just repost it and hope that this next year I’ll be more mindful and attentive to accomplishing them. Here it is –

I’m not much into making resolutions. I try to live life without resolutions and try to solve issues and make decisions on a daily basis, thus no need for making promises to myself on the first day of the year. But, I’m going to try to come up with a list of things anyway, not necessarily promises, but things I’d like to address or do this year that I think will make my life more significant and happy.

1) Try not to be shallow or have preconceived notions about others.

2) Spend less time on a computer or looking at any screen for that matter.

3) Practice mindfulness: state of active, open attention on the present. I think this applies to above.

4) Race new races and travel to new places to race my bike, even though my results will suffer because of it.

5) Try to read more, books, not online.

6) Make a bucket list. (I doubt I’ll do this one, since I like I said above, I live my life in such a way that I cross things off the “imaginary” bucket list before I know I want to put them there.)

7) Ride my bike or walk more to do errands.

8) Address health issues even if it “interferes” with bike racing.

9) Listen to more live music.

10) Sleep more.

Have a safe New Year’s Eve and a Happy New Year!

Brian and I rode to Red Rocks yesterday.

I’m not in very good shape yet. It was pretty windy coming back and I was beat.

Trudi and Parker skiing up in Cable.

Tucker and Hawkeye excited about walking in the woods.

Dennis on his new fatbike.